Am I Grown Up Yet?

This year's Birla experience was an amazing one. Once you step off the bus the kids greet you as if you've never left, or as if you have been there a million times before. Once you get done with the meeting with Dipp, you are playing with the kids, and finding the kid who will be attached to you every time you come to Vietnam.

As soon as everyone arrives at Do Son the true experience begins. It's the putting on the talent show, the smiles, and the truly deep down caring about you after just meeting you that means so much. It’s the immediate genuine relationship that is amazing. Your kid chooses you, not you choose the kid. You can initiate the friendship to a degree, but in most cases the kid immediately finds you. After that, it’s playing slap games, picking them up to get fruit off a tree, sitting on the curb with them, eating next to them, and watching them as they swim at the beach that makes the bond grow even more. For a few days that kid is your kid, and they become like family. Not only is all of this going on, but for the first time we were able to eat with the kids; which, I can’t describe to you in words how amazing it was. Yeah, they finish in a few minutes, but they’re waiting for you out side when they finish. (Don’t ask me why they don’t just continue to wait at the table.) The more you have been, the more kids you hang out with. Even a little poke or hug, you’re able to show you care. If for thee days we can take them away from the pains of their every day life.

It was the words of the little girl I have been watching for three years that started tears. I was able to talk to her for the first time through Bic, one of our friends/translators. She asked me, “am I grown up yet/bigger yet.” I said yes, and told her the changes that I had noticed since the previous two trips. I myself began to wonder how much I have grown over the past few years. It’s easy to add qualifiers to make myself feel better, but I wonder how much the people here and at home have seen me change. Even before the trip I have been wrestling with this question. The past year has been hell, with more digression than progression in most aspects of my life. Almost every part of my world has been rocked by some event this past year. It’s easy to come here and put on the image of growth, but deep down what true change has happened? It’s in questions like these, the theme of figuring out how to be genuine in our relationship has resulted.

This trip has baffled me even deeper than before. It’s the people in the village picking corn from their stalks and feeding it to us, and a little orphanage kid buying me a snack to make sure that I’m happy. They’re giving me from what little they have, and I’m barely giving a fraction of what I have. My mind has been boggled by this, I understand the economic gap between Vietnam and the United States, but I don’t think I will ever understand how they can be so openly genuine to relationships. It’s this lack of understanding that has caused a lot of frustration. It’s easy to put a blame it on where we live, easy to put blame in wrong places, than just to blame ourselves. Rhetoric is starting to frustrate me, because we don’t follow it up with action. I’m constantly reminded of James 2:14-26. Even before I left Jeremiah 29:13 has also been constantly going through my head. “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” The last four words are the most difficult.

Wrapping everything up with Birla Orphanage was difficult, and it never gets any easier. Our bus ended up being fairly late, but because of this we were able to do a prayer walk around the orphanage while the kids ate lunch. After lunch, we were able to play with the kids until it was time to go. Some of the girls that I spent time with this year went back to their rooms to avoid the emotions of saying goodbye. Me and Hi are still to young to understand what’s going on, but one girl gave me a hug and begin to sob. It was difficult trying to keep my composure, to avoid making things worse. If for only three days we’re able to bring joy and happiness to these kids. Finally, we pulled away and begin to pray for them. By the end, I don’t think there was a dry eye on the bus, or a person who wasn’t touched by the experience.

I must admit, I don’t think this trip would have been near as successful if it wasn’t for our awesome translators.